Taraji P. Henson Reveals She Contemplated Suicide During The Pandemic

Taraji P. Henson is sharing a very “dark moment” that she had this year where she contemplated suicide.

The “Empire” actress opened up during her Facebook Watch series, Peace of Mind with Taraji about how during a couple days in 2020, during the ongoing coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, she could barely get out of bed.

“For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of the bed, I didn’t care. That’s not me,” the 50-year-old actress said in a conversation with co-host Tracie Jade and licensed psychologist Dr. LaShonda Green. “Then, I started having thoughts about ending it,” Henson added, explaining that she had recently purchased a gun and thought, “‘I could go in there right now, and just end it all.'”

Henson said she even considered how her death would affect her son, Marcell Johnson, and remembered thinking, “‘He’s grown, he’ll get over it.'”

The Oscar nominated actress said that after several nights of those thoughts, she decided she needed to tell someone, but worried that her friends would think she was crazy.

“I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me, I wasn’t responding. I just didn’t care. Finally, I’m talking to one of my girlfriends and I knew, I was smart enough to say, ‘I have to say it,'” Henson said.

“I was like, I don’t want them to think I’m crazy,” she said. “I don’t want them to, you know, obsess over me or think they gotta come and sit on me.” “So one day I just blurted it out, to my girlfriend. She called me in the morning and I was like, ‘You know I thought about killing myself last night,'” Henson said, adding what a relief it was to share, “‘Oh my god, I feel so much better. I’m not gonna do it now.'”

Henson, who also recently ended her engagement to Kelvin Hayden, shared that she felt like if she didn’t share what she was going through with a friend or loved one, that it would become a plan and that frightened her.

“For me, I’m no professional, but I felt like, if I don’t say it, it becomes a plan,” Henson said. “And what scared me, is that I did it two nights in a row. And the thoughts kept coming. Now I started think about how. At first, it was like, I don’t want to be here. And then I started thinking about going and getting the gun. And that’s why when I woke up the next morning, and I blurted it out. Because I felt like after a while it was going to take over me and it was going to become a plan because that’s how strong my brain is.”

Henson also opened up to Access Hollywood’s Scott Evans earlier this December about the end of her engagement and her struggles with mental health, sharing why she felt the conversation was so important. Watch the video above for more about her powerful and honest thoughts.