If it looked like Mariah Carey’s emotions and nerves were running high on the Billboard Music Awards stage, that’s because they were.
“I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s a lot,” the pop diva, who was honored with the Billboard Icon Award for her decades of chart-topping hits, told Access of her post-performance feels.
“I will say, I felt like the audience was very supportive,” she continued. “I was nervous. It was– You have no idea. … I want people to come to my show so they can see a more relaxed performance, because I was nervous.”
While Mariah may have been a little tense, the audience didn’t seem to notice or care. Many celebrities gleefully danced and sung along to her powerhouse medley; and Taylor Swift took it up a notch, verging on tears and shouting “We love you!” as the icon accepted her award.
When Access asked Mimi if she saw Taylor’s fangirling, she said she couldn’t make her out.
“I didn’t see anyone, because I was on the stage – you don’t see people,” she explained. “I didn’t even know [it happened], but I love her. She was always so sweet from the first time I met her. So she really is.”
WATCH: Mariah Carey Blows Taylor Swift & Star-Studded Crowd Away With Epic Billboard Music Awards Medley
Backstage, Mariah also remarked how heavy her Icon Award was – and joked that its weight was the perfect symbol for her tough journey to the top.
“It represents what we’ve been through! The struggle to get here!” she said.
Mariah got real about that struggle during her acceptance speech, where she explained how her tough early years made way for today’s success.
“I started making music out of a necessity to survive and to express myself,” she said. “And I just wanted to create something so I could feel worthy of existing. And if I’ve learned anything, anything at all in this life, is that truly all things are possible with God.”
“I guess I’ve always felt like an outsider, someone who doesn’t quite belong anywhere,” she added. “I still feel like that lost, interracial child who had a lot of nerve to believe that I could succeed at anything at all in this world … But I did believe, because I had to.”
Billboard Music Awards 2019: The Best Of The Red Carpet
View GalleryTo celebrate all that she’s accomplished, Mariah partied with her closest pals at TAO Las Vegas following her big Billboard Music Awards night. The “A No No” singer took over the restaurant’s private dining room, which was decorated in total tribute to her: from a sushi platter that spelled her initials, “MC,” to giant balloons that read “ICON.”
Mariah’s boyfriend, Brian Tanaka, was there to help her commemorate her big night, and Jennifer Hudson also popped by to toast her friend.
