Glam Slam: Secrets From The Women’s Locker Room

I could write a novel about the things I have seen in the locker room at my gym.

The gym is in Beverly Hills, so you can imagine the sort of outrageousness that goes on there. Rich people. Powerful people. Beautiful people. Famous people. I’ve seen it all.

But the real action takes place in the women’s locker room. Because there, everyone lets their guard down. People get a little more gossipy and a lot more candid. I’ve seen the same two women for years as they catch up every Saturday and know many details about their lives. They chat as they get ready after their workout and I know more than I should about their love lives, their families, their jobs.

Then there’s the fact that everyone is naked. I’ve seen quite the parade of nude bodies over the years: Tall, short, out of shape, muscular, pregnant. I’ve seen cellulite, scars, stretch marks, tan lines, plastic surgery scars. Flat-chested women and women with big boobs and big booties.

I’ve seen the best bodies that money can buy… I could go on and on.

A gorgeous, extremely tan Brazilian woman once asked me in her thick accent if she could use my curling iron. I was taken aback because she was completely naked. I thought about how many guys would love to trade places with me right then. I just tried my best to keep my eyes above chin level!

While the majority of women cover themselves up with towels or robes, there are a few who go the Full Monty. I always laugh when a woman has a towel around her wet hair, but walks around completely naked.

A couple of weeks ago I was sharing the vanity mirror with a woman who could have been a Playboy Playmate. There wasn’t an inch of her that hadn’t been tanned and there was no body hair or body fat to be found. She had quite a chest. I was trying to put my makeup on, but she was very distracting, as she tossed back her long mane of hair and rubbed on body lotion in the most sensual way. It’s like she was making love to herself in the mirror and enjoyed that there were all of these people around her, watching her, but trying not to watch.

She had confidence in spades. And I guess that’s what one needs to hit the locker room in this town!

— Ryan Patterson